{"id":2721,"date":"2022-06-08T16:13:59","date_gmt":"2022-06-08T14:13:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/raintreecoaching.com\/?p=2721"},"modified":"2022-06-09T06:38:48","modified_gmt":"2022-06-09T04:38:48","slug":"conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/raintreecoaching.com\/index.php\/2022\/06\/08\/conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Conflict,<\/strong> a swear word in so many people\u2019s vocabulary.  Being conflicting has got a bad rap. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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This month, I have been working with a business that has to make important changes<\/strong> urgently to secure their survival and step into thriving.  For weeks the senior leadership team has circled the difficult decisions that have to be made that, by their nature, involve conflict.  Difficult, challenging and definitive conversations<\/strong> have been avoided.  The business has gone nowhere until\u2026 one of the leaders of the business threw down the gauntlet and gave an ultimatum.  The action was conflict in its purest form.  She recognises that the conflict was necessary to get a decision and start the process of change.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do we avoid conflict?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of us avoid conflict as it forces uncontrollable<\/strong> change.  We do not know what the outcome of the change will be.  We understand at a deep level that, after conflict, we cannot return to how it was before.  This truth <\/strong>about conflict is its curse and its blessing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How do we approach conflict?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conflict can be approached in two ways: Thoughtful or Thoughtless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thoughtless Conflict   <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conflict that is thoughtless <\/strong>is impulsive and destructive.\u00a0 It leads to harsh consequences<\/strong> that are more hurtful and destructive than necessary.\u00a0 Because the hurt caused by these conflicts is so intense, the conflict is experienced as trauma<\/strong>.\u00a0 People respond to trauma unconsciously.\u00a0 Conflict trauma is avoided without being aware that we are avoiding it.\u00a0 Because of the relationship between conflict and trauma<\/strong>, people treat all conflict as though it is trauma.\u00a0 This is not necessarily the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thoughtful Conflict<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thoughtful conflict is just as impactful but more sophisticated.<\/strong>  It achieves the change in a way that allows for a masterpiece to be crafted.  The conflict is still painful, but it is more strategic and specific.  It is not personal, but problem and solution focused.  Thoughtful conflict leads impactful change.  There is still unpredictability in the change but because the conflict has been thought through, it is better led and managed.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Leaders\u2019 responsibility to have thoughtful conflict<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As leaders and managers, awareness of thoughtless vs. thoughtful conflict must be top of mind.  When we use a sledgehammer to chisel a sculpture, the results are devastating.  It is a leader\u2019s responsibility<\/strong> to manage that they engage in thoughtful conflict to avoid unnecessary damage.  This way we begin to build a conscious and healthy relationship<\/strong> with conflict that allows for the desired change. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Building a relationship with healthy conflict<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I speak to experienced leaders, most intuitively know they need to be able to engage in thoughtful conflict<\/strong>.  Most still avoid conflict.  The level of discomfort felt about having a conflict conversation keeps many leaders, young and mature, paralysed.   So, if mature leaders are avoiding having the difficult conversations or making the difficult decisions, how can we support our young leaders to choose to step into thoughtful conflict?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The starting point is to recognise that small, well-considered and contained conflicts, early on in a situation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n